{"product_id":"a-merlot-thing","title":"A Merlot Thing","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"container\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown markdown-main-panel stronger enable-updated-hr-color\" id=\"model-response-message-contentr_09af81e13414e5ab\" aria-live=\"polite\" aria-busy=\"false\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-path-to-node=\"0\"\u003eMeet the Merlot THING: The Manifestation of \"Sophisticated Chaos\"\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eHave you ever felt like your internal monologue is wearing a velvet smoking jacket while burning down a metaphorical house? Like you’re overflowing with rich, dramatic energy, but you want to channel it with a little bit of class? Meet the Merlot THING. It’s the physical embodiment of that deep-vintage, \"I’m judging you, but from a place of love\" energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eIt’s bold, it’s moody, and it’s definitely the brooding main character of your plushie collection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eThe Anatomy of a Visual Simmer:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Deep-Vamp\" Glow:\u003c\/b\u003e In a Merlot coat so rich and velvety-dark it looks like it was plucked straight from a haunted vineyard. It’s the perfect colour when your mood is \"aggressively intellectual\" or just \"silently spiralling in style.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLaser-focused Soul-stare:\u003c\/b\u003e Against that intoxicatingly dark fur, those tiny beady eyes look like they’ve been aging to perfection. They see your chaos, they appreciate the vintage, and they raise you a silent, existential toast.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eVelvety \"Calm Down\" Paws:\u003c\/b\u003e The paws are a soothing contrast to the heavy, dramatic energy of the body. There to provide a tactile \"reset button\" when your brain feels like a shaken-up bottle of cheap champagne. Fiddle away with the tiny piggies.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e2lbs of Grounded Hype:\u003c\/b\u003e At a solid 2lbs, this THING is the only thing keeping you from floating away on a cloud of pure dramatic flair. It’s dense, it’s substantial, and it’s unapologetically \"thick.\" No body shaming here, just more surface area for rich, full-bodied vibes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePlotting Your Next Move:\u003c\/b\u003e Keep it on your desk to look intimidatingly productive during Zoom calls.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Rich Aunt\" Spiral:\u003c\/b\u003e Excellent for clutching when you’re pretending to have your life entirely together while internally listening to sad classical music.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMoody Decor:\u003c\/b\u003e Ideal for adding a pop of \"gothic-chic\" flair to a room that’s feeling a little too sterile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWarning:\u003c\/b\u003e This THING does not do \"casual.\" It’s here to remind you that even when your brain is a dark, complex mess, you’re still 100% spectacular.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eTechnicals:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003eEach THING weighs approximately 2lbs (give or take an ounce)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003eEach THING body is about the size of a dinner plate (10 inches from side seam to side seam).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\"\u003eEach THING's arm is about 12 inches, so a full stretch span looks like 32 inches of loving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSizes are not exact because I make each individually, so measurements and weight are similar, but not written in stone. Slow made is a process... a feeling, not an exact science.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eNo matter the colour you choose, you decide what it does for you.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eAI generated videos for entertainment purposes only. Plushie doesn't actually move on its own (and thankfully, it won't stain your carpet like real Merlot).\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Ham \u0026 Cricket","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52270898905400,"sku":null,"price":85.0,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0855\/3211\/5256\/files\/maroon.png?v=1781535720","url":"https:\/\/hamandcricket.ca\/products\/a-merlot-thing","provider":"Ham \u0026 Cricket","version":"1.0","type":"link"}